I’m Back!!!

Hey, Wheelchair Teen readers, it’s been a while but I’m finally back. A lot has been going on lately: school ended, I lost quite a lot of files from my laptop after it experienced a software issue which meant that it had to be professionally wiped, and I’ve also gone through quite a few mental struggles:

As a child, I struggled to come to terms with the fact that I was disabled. However, when I started secondary school, I learned to accept my disability and have accepted it ever since. Of course, I had some difficult times with it, but I assumed that accepting my disability was a hurdle that I was well and truly over.

This past month I’ve had to learn that even after you’ve conquered your demons and have lived for years without them – they can still come back and haunt you. Recently, I’ve been struggling with coming to terms with the fact that I’m disabled again. It came out of nowhere and hit me unexpectantly hard. I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to feel comfortable with my own body and love myself – I sometimes feel like clawing at my own skin and stepping out of my body, and it’s been driving me crazy. All it takes is seeing someone walk down the street, or seeing my sister jogging, to make me burst out crying in jealousy and to start hating myself.

I’ve decided to go back to seeing a psychologist again and I finally feel ready to talk about it and continue doing these blog posts. It just felt wrong to give advice and encouragements to other people to be open-minded and stay strong when I was struggling so much myself. I’m very excited to get back to blogging though: to get back to sharing my story and to get back to the incredibly positive and supportive blogging community. I hope that everyone reading realises that I’m not a hero or a perfect figurehead for the young, disabled community. I mess up and fail sometimes too, which I hope makes my story even more honest. I have a lot of exciting blog ideas planned which I hope that you guys will like. Thank you so much for sticking by me and waiting this long. It means the world.

I’m happy to finally be able to say: see you next week!

08:30, 14.08.2020

19 thoughts on “I’m Back!!!

  1. I always find it helps to think of myself as “differently-abled”, rather than disabled. I think everyone in like has strengths and weaknesses and it’s about finding and capturing yours. I have a slight facial disfigurement and it used to really get me down as a child, I used to say that I had a “runny egg face” and some of the comments I made about myself were heartbreaking for my parents to hear, but then I learned to photograph myself oh my best side, and that gave me confidence. I can’t do gymnastics because of my cerebral ataxia and I can’t run without my ankle hyperextending, but you know what, so what? There are ways and means around everything! Take up wheelchair racing or basketball, learn to take amazing photographs from your wheelchair and above all else keep writing! Try not to think about what you can’t do (because I promise you, while you’re jealous that your sister can run, she’s jealous of you for something you didn’t realise you do), focus on the gifts you have and the new ones that you can explore. Good luck! 😊

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    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, they genuinely lifted my spirits when I read them. I will try to focus less on what I can’t do and more on what I can. I need to not focus so much on what can’t be changed and focus more on exploring my ‘best side’. Thank you again for taking the time out to give me advice. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  2. I don’t want to say anything patronising by accident, but rest assured – able-bodied people may not “get it” but they understand all the same. We’re all human, and the feelings you get from time to time are totally understandable. On the other hand, you have your own riches inside, and there will be people who envy you for them. I hope therapy will help (it surely will more than my awkward words LOL), and I’m glad you’re back!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Offbeat YA. I do need to stop seeing me and other able-bodied people as such different entities. Deep down we’re still the same, and I shouldn’t make such a big deal about whether one of us is sitting or standing. I’m sure there are many able-bodied people out there who have experienced something similar to what I’ve been going through. Thank you for your ‘awkward words’ 🙂 they still touched me. ❤

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  3. It’s good to hear you are back – I had noticed your absence and missed you recently – I’m struck by your humble honesty in admitting your struggles and struck by your integrity. Most of us struggle with aspects of ourselves and as some of your readers have already expressed, we all have both strengths and weaknesses, both of which need working on. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m touched by the fact that you missed me. Thank you for welcoming me back ❤ Exactly, I'm learning that it's okay to accept the fact that I am experiencing weakness and that it's something that I need to work on. It's okay to sometimes fall, but I shouldn't forget my strengths too. Thank you for reminding me. God bless you too xxx

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  4. Big hugs! I hope it helps to talk with a psychologist. I too have struggled and do still struggle with my self-esteem regarding my disabilities. They are different from yours (they are neurological, I am autistic and have ADD, and anxiety), but I can relate in some ways. I have talked with various psychologists and therapists throughout my life, some more helpful than others and with some I got along better with than with others. I hope you find a nice psychologist wtih whom you get along well and that talking with them will be helpful for you.

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    1. I hope that it helps too. I’ve also seen numerous psychologists but I’ve yet to see one that I thought did a really good job and really helped me. I’m still going to approach this new one with a hopeful attitude though – maybe they’ll be different. It sounds like you can relate a lot! It doesn’t matter if disabilities aren’t exactly the same, as humans, we can often relate to each other’s experiences. Thank you for your hugs, and I hope that things are going well with your autism, ADD and anxiety.

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  5. Hey, I was reading your blog. and I feel that you are very strong and don’t forget that we all are different in our own ways. I am sharing this quote with you I hope you like it ”perfection is illusion based on our perception.” P.S I loved your blog stay strong. Love dream sprinkles

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, dream sprinkles! Thank you for your encouragements and your inspirational quote. It means a lot that you like my blog and I also saw your comment on the post that I wrote for Lifesfinewhine. I hope that you’ll eventally be able to achieve your counsellor dreams – the world sorely needs someone like that, removing taboos about disability. I’ll make sure to remember your quote the next time I start to doubt myself ❤

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  6. Thank you for your honesty. We are all human, and with that comes the knowledge that we are not perfect. I cannot claim to know what being you is like, but from what you’ve shared I see you have wonderful strength and hope within your soul.

    One of the favourite lines I’ve said (which has probably been said by others in many forms before I ever said it) is: “No one is a better you than you.” Kia kaha (stay strong) and keep on keeping on being awesome.

    I look forward to your next post. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Hamish for your wise words. I need to listen to your quote by not looking at others so much and instead focusing more on me and being the best me that I can be. I thoroughly enjoyed reading some of the encouraging posts on your own blog as well – they too were extremely uplifting. I cannot thank you enough for continuing to read and be excited for my posts. ❤

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      1. We are who we are. Embracing the awesomeness that is us can be tough when we see others doing different things we want to. Thank you for your comments and posts too. 😊

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